Motherhood Series (II)

Everyone commented about how well I was recovering after the procedure when I was walking, talking and eating by the next day. If only they knew the journey ahead, or maybe some of them knew.

Recovery took almost 2 months: my stitches finally closed just a few days to my baby being two months. Talk of the pain! I often remember feeling helpless, sad and worried the morning my baby was crying and I could not carry her because I was in pains and my husband was in the restroom. Or the emotions! I have always heard of people acting out because of hormones but I could never relate until postpartum. I was a crying mess- I, who would not let other people see me cry, became a crybaby for the slightest things like the baby’s shivering or her lower jaw quivering when she cries.

Motherhood comes with different experiences for different people but no matter how ‘easy’ they have it, there is always sacrifice and price being paid. And if we will be truthful, some times, you wonder if the ROI is worth it and other times, they smile at you and all your anger or second thoughts melts away.

Sometimes, you might wonder if you really love your baby or you are just following expectations. Then, you remember how you instinctively keep them away from harm, randomly checking on them in the middle of the night, how their tiniest sound jolts you awake, how you constantly check if they are okay and get worried when they cry more than usual. In those memories, you know for sure that you love your little one even if it does not always come wrapped in the warm fuzzy feeling of something moving in your heart.