People Mean Well
Have you ever felt reluctant to reach out to certain people because you don’t know what you would say that would be regarded as offensive? I have. There are people who I really wanted to commiserate with for their loss or congratulate for achieving a fit but I held back because I was worried I would say something wrong and that would be all they fixate on.
This is owing largely to the campaign for sensitivity and emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, people would often judge sensitivity based on what they perceive it to be. For instance, someone who does not mind talking about their weight gain would, often, not find it insensitive to point out another’s weight gain.
I have read people rant about issues that ordinarily is not an issue to me and that always makes me wonder “what else is probably insensitive that I don’t know about? If I say this, would it be considered inappropriate”…and on and on the mental anguish goes on.
Instead of picking offense at anything and everything, why not choose to see that people mean well. It may not be how you will go about it but more often than not, they went about it the way they know best. So, if someone wishes you a happy birthday without going into details, appreciate it, even if they say LLNP/GBU. Remember they made an effort to celebrate with you even if it is not in the way you would do it for others.
About 2 months after we got married, a member of my parents’ church during a phone conversation said “we are expecting baby o” and even though at first I had my reservation, I came to the realization that she meant well. My having a baby does not in any way impact her life but they grew up in an age where that is an appropriate greeting for newlyweds.
Of course, there are times people say things just to be hurtful like the former classmate who met me at a friend’s wedding and commented about my weight gain which would not have been a big deal until she compared me to herself who has had 3 children and still slim. I had a retort for her that might have made things escalate pretty quickly but I would not want to mess with my friend’s special day. For people like that, I generally would not tolerate such comments and would arm myself with enough comebacks that would make them think twice about messing with me in the future. However, this article is not about those kinds of people.
This is about people who genuinely wish to celebrate/commiserate with you. They may not say the right things or the most appropriate things but you would appreciate the effort better when you understand that they mean well. So when they call to commiserate and they say “thank God XYZ did not suffer for too long” or “thank God they are in a better place”, it may not be the words you want to hear at the time but they are trying to make you feel better in their own way.
Don’t make yourself into an ungrateful and miserable person just because you have chosen to analyze every word and action.
