There is No Way to Fight a Woman and Win
An African proverb says that a woman is the worst person for a man to fight with (physical fight in this case). The reason is that if you win, the whole world will shame you saying it is only a woman you can handle. On the other hand, if she wins, they will ridicule you and say a woman beat you. Either way, you cannot win the fight against a woman.
I heard this proverb from my stylistics lecturer back in UNILAG, and it stuck even though I did not have an opinion on it back then. However, events and observations have helped me understand the truth in that proverb.
Socially, there is no way to win a fight with a woman because there is already a bias that the woman is always right because she is weak and vulnerable. To most people accepting that the woman is always right is the first step to correcting years of patriarchy, especially if you are a man. Even a woman has to accept that the woman is always correct if she does want to be reminded that “women are the enemy of women”, even if the man would be condemned for doing the same thing.
The woman is never wrong because who dares state that?
Do you need an Example?
Remember a DNA fraud incident that rocked Nigeria Twitter in 2020 when a woman cried out that her brother died from the effect of heartbreak caused by his wife. The wife had confessed to him that the kids were not his after she got a residence visa as an asylum by lying that her husband was abusive. The kids were allegedly her former boss’. As expected, he was broken, and when he eventually started getting his life back on track, it was too late. He had delivered a medical condition that led to his death.
As expected, the world went up in arms over this case and demanded justice. But how did they demand justice? They asked for the resignation and termination of the former boss. Which is fair enough, right? Why would he sleep with someone else’s wife and his subordinate at that? Not only that, they even had kids together. I understand the outrage.
However, the part that is difficult to understand is why the man was paying for a sin mutually committed by two parties. It is more interesting because one party seems to be ‘more guilty’ than another. One party broke her vows to her partner; had sex with her lover multiple times and had three kids for the said lover. Did it ever occur to ask if the lover even knew the kids were his? What more? One party made her husband take care of someone else’s kids. The same party escaped with the children and lied against her husband so she could get the visa and keep the man away from her.
Another evidence that the woman is always right is how the visa officials did not investigate the allegations before granting her the visa. I understand that it is often difficult to prove abuse but to achieve justice and fairness, we cannot cherry-pick when to follow the principle of hearing the other side.
And what more, despite the woman having a more direct role in the unfortunate incident, it is only the man who gets punished. There was never a move to have her deported which is the least that could have happened as she got the visa under false claims. However, her old lover gets stripped of his position and his name dragged in the mud.
There is no way to fight a woman and win. There are several instances where the woman does something wrong and is excused for her action because who dares blame the woman for her wrongdoing? On the surface, it appears like an innocuous action fueled by righteous anger due to how women have been subjugated for so long but on a closer inspection, it is more like a well thought-out scheme by the victim to continue playing the victim even when they have become the tyrant they claim they are fighting. This works because no one wants to be the bad guy who blames or picks an issue with the victim.
PS: I know the common argument to defend this act is that men have been doing it for so long as well and if they get the same treatment, it is only fair. I would rather not waste my intellect in response but if I have to, I would tell you that your argument can be flipped on both sides. Everyone has an excuse for doing the things they do and being the way they are. The excuses do not make them right.
